When Joy and Grief Intertwine

The Tension Beneath Festivities

The holidays can activate an internal split that doesn’t look dramatic from the outside, but it feels chaotic on the inside. Two parts, both trying to protect the same sore spot, but using completely different strategies.

One part pushes forward.
Holiday parades. Light shows. Hot cocoa experiments. Matching family pajamas that feel unique and trendy at the same time. A voice inside that says, Let’s make this feel special. A part of you that tries to make it feel special for everyone else.

And then there’s the part that stays closer to the ache.
The person who isn’t here this year.
The tradition that doesn’t feel the same.
The frustration that comes up when the thing you planned ends in a disaster.
The part of you that honestly doesn’t want to do any of it.

These experiences don’t take turns. They talk over each other.

You can feel pulled toward keeping every tradition alive (and even adding in new traditions) while another part questions why you’re doing any of it. You can show up to the light show with good intentions and leave irritated because your toddler hated every minute. Then comes the old internal commentary: You’re ungrateful. I never had anything like this growing up.

It’s not a simple conflict.
It’s two parts protecting the same tender place: your longing for connection, steadiness, or something to hold on to.

This is what it looks like when joy and grief show up together. Not in neat layers. More like a conversation happening in the background, shaping how the season feels even when no one else can hear it.

Sometimes the most grounding thing you can do is just notice the conversation.